Conservative masculinity vs liberal femininity - Can a man really have a choice?

 I have been thinking through one of the most difficult questions regarding men in a modern world. This question is about commonly accepted features of men and the situation of those men who doesn't go with those features. I'm talking about conservative masculinity versus liberal femininity.

We haven't got far from the life where men had to be tough by all means. They had to do the hard work. They had to carry their burden and maybe even their families burdens too. They had to defend their land and rights. They had to hunt. They had to be powerful.

But times have changed.

We live in a liberal democratic western culture where the principle is that every individual should be allowed to be themselves, express themselves as they wish and have a right to make decision regarding their gender and other things regarding their identity. We have gone far towards the better and happier world. But there is still much to do. One really important thing is to cherish the decided goals and values. And I see that men are still kept in too narrow castes in out societies.

In the meantime, when women have shown that their place should be possible in any location where men can be too, instead of eternal housekeeping and being lower-class citizens, men haven't been able to downshift or free their positions from the historical presets. While women can be hard workers, powerful and carry burdens men still should do the same. Men aren't somehow allowed, or accepted, to be less. To be more easygoing or fragile. Or have their share from women's world.

The modern western world drives the vision that everyone should have rights to be an individual with own features and every individual should be accepted among the others as who they are. This is a great vision. This vision would bring up a society where everyone could be happy and have a wonderful life while having experiences from their own choices.

But the vision and its aims suffer from negative opinions and prejudices. The traditional conservative people are still in very powerful standing. Some of them don't want to accept the freedom between masculine and feminine castes. At least regarding men.

While some of the feminine men might seek for compassion towards themselves the world is still divided. It is hopeful that in the modern western culture many significant actors defend the vision of world where individuals could be themselves and live a happy life without fearing that someone would harass, bully or even attack them. But at the same time there are still very much people who cannot accept individuals over the traditional castes. By that I mean that some people would still like to see men in a powerful status, women as their prey, masculinity only in men and femininity only in women and all abnormal, especially sexual minorities, burning in hell.

Feminine men should be ok in our culture. But are they? And how? Is it ok if man acts in feminine way? Is it ok if man wishes to dress in a feminine way? I think we promise a lot but leave some things unfinished. We should allow men to break castes and be free from conservative masculinity if they wish for it. Without forcing them to be outcasts.

While the mankind is working with these things the sources of understanding and compassion are variant.

For my surprise I've seen more compassion towards feminine men from women than from men. Even though I think that most of the women are reserved with men the compassion and friendly attitude can be found surprisingly often if the man have something feminine in his demeanor.

Most of the masculine men are just interested in having sex with women or winning them as their prize to show off around. My argument is based on my experiences in everyday life during the years. The most stereotypical encounter including a man and a woman is that the woman is beautiful and the man gets interested about that woman. On these situations some men can't behave well enough. I've seen these situations too often. This is still really common and I believe that is the reason why most of the women seem to be careful if a man approaches them. This is also the reason why women mostly don't approach men first.

Feminine men are quite often an exception. They can behave. They don't have the need to talk big or be the peacock of the lounge. They have feelings and empathy and sometimes they don't have to even hide their feelings even while the world tries to grow them in such a behavior. And these are the things why I believe that many women accept feminine men. They can see through the surface that there is actually a person inside. A person that is not just after sex with all the women or craving for whiskey and fast cars.

In the meantime these kind of masculine men keep up the strong image of the "men united". "The brotherhood of men". I have a doubt that if some of the men are regarded feminine, soft, having feelings and weaknesses, they are not welcome among the club of testosterone.

A man can look like a man and be like a man but is it mandatory to be a conservative masculine manly man 24/7? Does a man ruin his reputation completely if he wants to be feminine once in a while?

But still compassion can be found. There are other men too who have delicate or sensitive sides. Actually it doesn't always have to be anything to do with femininity. A man can be a masculine man too while having soft sides or weaknesses.

In my opinion if a man doesn't have any soft sides or he never shows them he never can be a true friend of anyone. Because there's nothing else to share then than bullying and big mouth.

But back to women. Even though women are still very careful with men some of them can sense if the man needs or wishes something else than a night in the same bed. I mean that maybe the man wishes to have just a conversation. Maybe the man wishes someone to listen his stories. Maybe he don't have anything common to discuss about with men who like to talk about cars, beer and women as an objects. Maybe the man seeks to widen his channels to have better conversations.

And this is the style how I have found myself better company and conversations many times. When some women have sensed that I've been just after a listening ear, seeking for more thoughtful and deep discussion, been after more interesting subjects of conversation or even seeking for compassion on a sad day, I have gained many really positive experiences. I have been listened and I have been answered. My feelings could have been shown and I have received feelings back. I have even made good friends from women.

I'm happy that I can play both sides and experience something from masculine world and from feminine world. The step to feminine world was very hard even though I just wish to experience some light things like cosplay. But it's a common manner to mock and discriminate man who likes feminine clothes or make-up. Our societies should take a lot better grip and do more work to allow men to be more free from the traditional expectations. Power is in the commercial operatives and governments. But which one in those has the courage to change the world? Not many yet.

So, would I change my position to world where I have to challenge everyone, trying to be the biggest rooster chasing all the available the hens, living by leaping from others shoulders while confining the feelings deep beneath the rock hard surface, giving almost nothing from myself to others and being just another grey character among the important-looking suit guys living alike but once in a while taking a bottle of liquor and crying inside that why a man can't be an individual with his own style, interests and feelings?

Maybe I would, if I wouldn't have any humane sides. But I have. And I have feminine features too.

And this is why I fight for the cause: To have a chance for men to choose their path. To be more, to be less, to choose masculinity or to choose femininity. And get accepted despite his choices.